Generosity Requires Margin
Margin, simply put, is extra space.
Extra space for an impromptu meeting. Extra space for your spouse and children at the end of the day. Extra space for an emergency.
Margin is the space between what has been planned and the things that try to encroach upon it.
As such, when we talk about generosity, margin is a must.
The other day, I was driving to Pizza Hut to grab a personal pan pizza. Yes, I was an avid reader as a child. A gentleman was in the wrong lane and needed to get over. I saw him turn on his signal well before I reached him, so I slowed down and created space for him to merge.
I could see him looking through his side mirror, trying to determine whether I was actually going to let him over. I thought it was obvious.
Then he reached his hands out of the window and clasped them together as if he were praying. I rolled down my window and gave him a thumbs-up. He waved excitedly, sent another prayer-hands gesture my way, merged without issue, and we both went on about our day.
I would argue that I was being generous, patient, and kind in that moment.
However, I cannot say that the scenario would have ended the same way on a morning when my youngest son and I are rushing out the door so I can get him to school and still make it to work on time. On a day like that, his inconvenience would have felt like it was inconveniencing me even further.
I probably would have been less likely to let him over. And I would have justified my decision by saying, “Sorry, buddy. We have somewhere we need to be.”
Even though letting him over would have cost me a whole three seconds.
Margin matters when it comes to generosity.
A lack of margin does not necessarily mean that someone is not generous. Sometimes, they do not have the capacity to be generous in that moment.
The same idea can be applied to kindness, patience, empathy, and consideration. Our capacity for these things is often tethered to the margin we create for ourselves to show up as the person we desire to be more consistently.
It is easier to be patient when you are not rushing.
It is easier to be kind when you are not exhausted.
It is easier to listen when your mind is not filled with ten other things.
It is easier to give when everything you have has not already been spent.
When we lack margin, even minor inconveniences can feel like major offenses. A slow driver becomes a personal attack. A child asking one more question feels overwhelming. A spouse wanting to talk feels like one more obligation. Someone needing our help feels like they are taking something from us.
The issue may not always be that we are selfish, uncaring, or impatient.
The issue may be that we have left ourselves no room to be anything else.
If you find yourself being impatient, self-absorbed, unkind, or apathetic, it may not be you, per se.
It may be your margin.
When was the last time you considered where you do and do not have margin? When was the last time you took the necessary steps to create enough space to become the best version of yourself?
What do you need to give up or decommit from?
What is draining your time and energy?
What is habitually encroaching upon the space you need to breathe, think, rest, and care for the people around you?
Creating margin may require saying no to something good so that you can remain available for something more important. It may require leaving earlier, scheduling less, spending less, resting more, or accepting that you cannot be everything to everyone.
And that is not selfish.
Creating margin for yourself may be one of the most generous things you can do for everyone around you.
Because generosity is not only about what you are willing to give.
It is also about whether you have created enough space within your life to give it consistently.
If there is anything you want to achieve, become, or offer to the world, you have to create margin for it to happen consistently. Otherwise, you will be subjected to the ebbs and flows of life, responding according to how you feel each day rather than according to who you desire to be.
Margin gives you room to choose.
Room to pause.
Room to be patient.
Room to be kind.
And room to be generous, even when life does not go according to plan.
Until next time, you are more generous than you think. Create some margin!